Milo: “Mommy, guess what you are?”
Me: “Um, your mother?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “A stellar role model?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “A scintillating conversationalist?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “An international super spy?”
Milo: “No. Give up?”
Me: “Yep.”
Milo: “You’re SEXY!”
Me: “Oh, really?”
Milo: “YEAH! … What does sexy mean?”
I’m drying Milo off after his bath…
Milo: “Ow! Careful with my nut crack!”
Me: “… Milo, did you just say ‘nut crack?'”
Milo: “Yeah.”
Me: “……”
Milo: “What? That’s where I crack nuts! I just stick them between my legs and go ‘Grrr!’ and they crack.”
Me: “……”
Milo: “Seriously, Mom. That’s what happens.”
Chantal Kreviazuk is singing a song on the television…
Me: “This is a nice song, isn’t it?”
Morris: “No.”
Me: “No? Why don’t you like it?”
Morris: “She’s singing it wrong.”
Me: “Oh? How would you sing it?”
Morris: “I would sing it right.”
Milo: “Mommy, when am I going to die?”
Me: “Hopefully not for a long, long, long, long time.”
Milo: “And then I’ll go to heaven.”
Me: “Yep, and I’ll be there waiting for you and I’ll say, ‘Hey Milo! Great to see you again buddy!”
Milo: “And I’ll ask for milk. Yeah. Definitely milk.”
Me: “… milk?”
Milo: “Yeah, ’cause heaven’s far away and I’ll be really thirsty.”
Morris: “Mommy?”
Me: “Yes?”
Morris: “Where’s my Mommy?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m up here in the front seat driving the car you’re riding in.”
Morris: “Where’s my Daddy?”
Me: “He’s at the library, working.”
Morris: “Where’s my Milo?”
Me: “He’s sitting in the passenger seat beside you.”
Milo: “YEAH! With my elf shoes that are really ninja choppers. Shing! Shing! Shing!”
Morris: “Mommy, what do bums eat?”
Me: “Ummm… I’m not sure. What do you think bums eat?”
Morris: “They eat bums.”
Me: “Of course they do.”
Morris: “I have a rhinoceros in my ear.”
Me: “Really? That must be the smallest rhinoceros in the world.”
Morris: “No! It’s big!”
Milo: “Maybe he chopped its horns off first. Yeah! Ninja baby with swords! Shing! Shing! Shing! I’d love that. That would be AWESOME.”
Milo: “Mom, if you were a piece of toast, you know what I’d do?”
Me: “Uhhh… nope.”
Milo: “I would dip you in love sauce.”
Milo: “Mom, these are my three danger cars: Dragon Flash, Bumble Stinger, and Hyper Flash. Dragon Flash is the evil one. VROOOOOM!!!”
Morris, for the 50th time this morning: “What we watching tonight, Mommy?”
Me: “The end of the Incredibles.”
Morris: “The Incedibles?”
Me: “That’s right. The Incredibles.”
Morris: “The InCEDibles?”
Milo: “YES, Morris! The Incredibles.”
Me: “Aren’t you happy to be watching the Incredibles tonight?”
Milo: “Yes.”
Morris: “No.”
Me: “What do you want to watch, Morris?”
Morris: “In-POOP-ibles! HA HA HA HA HA!”
